You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
