she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
