A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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