Plan B is the new Plan A
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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