For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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