I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
