remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
