I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
