Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
