she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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