he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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