if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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