The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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