Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
