I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
