Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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