Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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