just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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