you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
