Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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