my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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