If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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