Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
