He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
can u get pink eye on your cock?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
