Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
