im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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