What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
