How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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