I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize