White coat. Heels.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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