how can u be prego again
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
