I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everclear isn't food dammit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
