Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
