i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
