remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
