i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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