Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
