I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need a beard to bite.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
