Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
