And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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