Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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