Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
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I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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