What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
