They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
