just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
