I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
