He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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