why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
