I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
