you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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