Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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