it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
