At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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