Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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