it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
