His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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