I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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