so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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