Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The feeling are messing with the penis
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
