Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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