wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
