that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
