Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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