So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
