I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
