I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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