If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
