I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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