not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
