I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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