pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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