she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
