Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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