a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
In America we eat man semen.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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